jeeezes peeezus!!!

Walking around giodarno looking for warmer clothes. Wanted to try something on and was looking for an empty room. Outside one of the rooms was a man loitering but he didn't look like he was waiting nor did he stop me as I pushed the door. The seemingly unlocked fitting room 'retaliated' at me and I jumped back in shock. Bewildered, I looked around and a smirking face caught the corner of my eye. It was the same man outside the bloody fitting room!

My hand was itching to slap his face till his smirk goes to the back of his head. It was so obvious he knew! Why didn't he just tell me?

what's wrong with these people?

Freeloader

Noticed that I barely spoke about Autumn. I had such high hopes about spending time together. Such a charmer autumn is, how easily she wraps you around her little finger; came by for a free, sumptious dinner of admiring words on how beautiful, whimsical, refreshing and colourful she is. And without notice, she's out the door, flitting to her next appointment to be gushed, ooh-aahed at.

Fucking Autumn.

Happy, fluffy dreams

To be fulfilled: As soon as I get back to Singapore I will get a bike license so that I can get myself a vespa or a little scooter that's lime green, tribute to the lime green volkswagon I oh-so-desire. But I'm not a big fan of cars. Scooters on the other hand gives me the zippedee-doo-wooop! Going for suppers at Queenstown, running to HV for coffee, beer, dinners, ogling at pets, midnight movies are going to be da-bomb!!! Who wants to be my neighbour or roommate?

Note to self: Take time to figure out what to do about helmet hair. Not cool.

Good advice for the grasshopper who's not going to play all Summer

"Maybe you might not want to look fabulous or glamourous this Winter. Better keep warm first."

Hmm...*touches tender-from-friction-of-tissue-paper skin on nose*. Yeee-aaa-p. Help.

Shopping kaki already booked this Saturday.

...

Been stocking up on socks and cashmere *gasp* tops (only 3 lah, and one is not even full cashmere). Thankfully, cashmere was on discount and I bought at cheena department stores. Definitely not going to be glamourous or fabulous for that matter. Just hoping to get through winter in Shanghai, Beijing and Nanjing. Help.

...

Cannot be environmentalist if the coroner's verdict is death by freezing from lack of heater. So heater has been switched on for the past few nights since temperatures hovered around 8-15degrees. Apparently apartments in Shanghai are not insulated so temperatures in apartments are colder than actual temperature outside. I fear when temperatures plummet or when I'm in Beijing. Help.

bye bye Mr. Berenstain

Days when I would go to the library and pick up 25 books or prop myself on the floor at the old Times bookstore at Centrepoint Mr. Berenstain would be there with his family of bears. I remember getting into a whole lot of trouble with the siblings and learning a huge lot about what's wrong and not and whatisthats from his books. Barbar, who could forget how noble, wise and soft-spoken he was. Then faster than you can say 'simi'; Sweet Valley High books beame the rage, Famous Five, Archie & gang came along and stole all your thunder Mr. Berenstain.

***

Fast forward ten years, library warehouse sale. "Shel Silverstein, and some hanging girl over the edge" she said. "Interesting, but maybe too kiddy. Who ever my age reads this?" she thought. But surreptitiously, she pays for it hoping no one notice. Years later she still devours every single word and stringy illustration with glee-likened to tehC induced sugar highs (for those of you that don't know, symptoms are talking really fast, constant giggling or both)

***

"Try this by Neil Gaiman. It's about dreams, very dark, you may like it, or not." he says. Of course she trusts him, she semi-looked up to this guy who seemed to have side-stepped off the curb of 'normal' education system; defied stereotypes of where people who go study five years in secondary school usually end up in and became so much more. The guy that forced her to drop her judgements and imagine sunset he described as a whirl of lilac, magenta and vermillion. With those words, the love affair reignited - with comics and graphic books (or for the atas graphis novels loh).

Memento

It was the middle of the night when crickets were in the intermezzo while waiting for my transition between sleeplessness and dreams. Ruffling through boxes, opening drawers, retracing steps, sifting through memory. Almost considered calling my parents.

All to search for Conan comic #42.

Just don't remember if it was bought and lost or never bought at all or misplaced.

I'm obsessive like that. If only I could project that on work.

Ethics in research

Update: I'm not put on that job!

We might get a job from a huge tabacco company. It's a huge global client and one we can hardly afford to reject based on the dismal sales this year as a new division. But tabacco....hmmm....I have no problems against smokers, it's after all their life; but it seems like I have a problem with tabacco manufacturers. It's amazing how they built a whole empire based on blowing smoke out of your mouth. Their whole business is based on burning leaves that will give you cancer. Seinfeld had this joke on why people liked to smoke, they're just fascinated that they appear like they are on fire. Well...something to the effect of that. To many, it's not much of an ethical issue, the findings will not have any impact on me, we get a profit and we move on. But they use these findings to make their marketing even more effective and then get many more people hooked on it based on a myth sometimes. Maybe I have been too quick to assume since I'm not a smoker myself; but will smokers please share with me why they smoke?

To be honest, I don't know whether I'll be put on this study. Hopefully not. Selling soft drinks to kids I can live with, cos there are many substitutes. Selling smokes? Unless you consider their decadent sibilings cigar, pipes, marijuana (though it can provide comfort for those suffering great pain), magic mushrooms etc. There isn't really a lesser evil innit'?

Recently I also stumbled on a website that activists in USA boycott subsidiaries of Philip Morris (masquerading as Altria now). Very famous example was Kraft, which led to Altria's decision to hold an IPO to distance itself from the heat. As mentioned before, though there are many problems surrounding capitalism and free market; there are evidences that capitalism has made life better for everyone involved. While we cannot prevent companies like Altria to market 'Marlboro Man' in all its magical myth to young consumers, we can practice 'conscientious consuming'. Furthermore, in the recent years many beliefs that people held towards environment conservation have found a way to co-exist with capitalism. They have fair-trade and ecologically sustainable products at affordable prices and on top of that unique designs.

Fair enough, it's always easier to get what is on your doorstep and when you are seemingly tight on your budget. On the other hand, how do we put a value on intangibles? There must be a ways, they say. It is at the choice of consumers to practice their free will to force a change in industry, to expect more from industries rather than wait for them to tell us what we want. I have a dream to go into a focus group and overwhelmingly consumers demand ecologically, fair trade products that will fit into their lifestyle and emotional needs; and it need not be be mutually exclusive.

P.s. To my dear friend who respects and understands my choices not to eat sharks fin. Will you consider using 鱼膘 as a substitute instead since shark's fin itself is tasteless.

Sleep anywhere, anytime

...that's part of my special skill repertoire, other than skipping school with a flair. But tonight it fails me.

Have taken a warm bath, lit up the aromatherapy and am nice smelling too. No signs of having a date with 周公 so 'early' in the night. Shouldn't have had that vodka cranberry just now, either alcohol makes me drowsy or it makes me W-I-D-E A-W-A-K-E.

What to do?

What to do?

Hang laundry. Work. Watch CSI. Oh...very pleased, have just gotten a heater for my bathroom as well. No more perky nipples shivering in the mornings when I bathe. Though I did hear that some locals do not bathe and wash their hair that often in winter. How can???!!! I cannot tahan, even though I can live in a mess but cannot tahan not bathing more than 2 days. So unglamourous and unfabulous. okok enough toilet talk... girl talks are so much more interesting but sooooo censored. Unlike toilet talk, seemingly censored but nothing that scandolous really. It's 3 a.m. maybe it's just time for me to stop.

Attack of the Eggs!!!

Have almost perfected the skill of making 荷包蛋. Remember my grandmother and sister used to fry them for me in a wok with lots of oil and cook the centre of the yolk by dripping hot oil over it till the top most layer forms a white membrane. Then soy sauce will have to be put dripped over in carefully measured amounts to ensure taste of yolk is not overwhelmed by saltiness of soy sauce.

...

Been eating this concoction, well at least the fried eggs for a few days in a row. I'm still ah-liiiivve!!!. Yes, bird flu is in China but no need to be overly freaked out. Went to dinner with 1 silliporean colleague and 2 malaysian colleagues, noone wanted to eat chicken, my local colleagues have no problems with it. Maybe I'm being too complacent but I really don't think the situation warrants near paranoia. When it comes to being anti-bacteria, locals are even more paranoid, so if they're not worried, I won't be. Basically in Liaoning, where bird flu is rather rampant, consumers have been educated to cook chicken for a longer amount of time. Just don't eat anything raw. In Shanghai, news has reported that poultry markets have a mandatory disinfectant day every week. This is unlike a few years ago when SARS broke out. I learnt from my local colleague that when they kept university students in school to contain/ prevent contagion of SARS; they enforced a system where people had to report if anyone displayed symptoms of SARS e.g. flu, fever etc. Some reported with a malicious motivation, inciting more fear. It was quite scary to hear about it, similar (in a much smaller scale) to the little I have read about what happened during the cultural revolution when people reported against their family, friends, neighbours. Despite these scary incidents you hear about China, Shanghai is probably, right now, the best place to live in China. Being a first tier city with so much investments on its back, the local government is not about to let loose its grip anytime soon. Granted, the pollution, crowd, getting jammed by lift doors gets to me at times. But Shanghai is also full of little streets, local designers on a roll, modern amenities (just don't get too sick) and zipping from one place to another on taxis are a stingy man's dream ride.

...

Going for another nap. Am supergirl with cryptonite. Where's the antidote?

Next, my hamster is gonna wear clothes

Another device to get me through winter

Announcement: Summer is officially over

Took me awhile for my brain to accept this fact though my body has been screaming for more clothes and warmth. 我真不知道“死”字是怎么写的。hehe...

28 degrees (with heater). 8 hours later. 9.30am. Late for work and rolled up like a popiah in my comforter. Tried to wrestle my way out but was powerless against the mighty power of the comforter. It had some potion in it that through osmosis put me back to sleep till...10.30am. Fuck. Late for work. But oh well...work from home. Heng I brought work back to do. Not my fault hor, winter's fault.

Betrayal

"And why do you sing Hallelujah. If it means nothing to you. Why do you sing with me at all?"

~ Delicate, Damien Rice


"One night stands I don't care, it's just sex. But once you think to be with someone else emotionally, you're out."

Melancholic early winter

There's gloom around not only outside the office but inside as well. My boss and her bf just broke up. So many long term relationships, marriages biting the dust around me. So strange when my boss and I were talking during lunch, whatever she was saying I could totally empathise. It was what I wanted two years ago and still want in a relationship. Somehow men always have it in their minds that women want diamonds, branded bags and big houses; just because we talk about someone else having it doesn't mean we want it. Wanting a man to be financially secure is just comforting to know if either of party loses their job, there's someone else; and also to sooth the male ego. Actually we only want your time and you to buy us really frivolous things (that we won't be seen buying ourselves). Frivolous things like colour pencils, hand puppets, pet guppies and maybe sometimes just time. Time to walk down the stretch of road at the French Concession, be at home when we come back from business trips, send us home sometimes when we haven't seen you for a long time. But we can't say we want you to do that, not because we play mind games, but we cannot force someone to do something they didn't think to do. It wouldn't have been from the heart, an act of genuine concern.

The problem about being independant, is well, being too independant. We have good jobs, earn our own money, we buy coats, pay for our own holidays. We can sort out most of our problems and girlfriends are always around to bitch to. Some of us treat men as equals (minus the ones that say they treat men as equals and then still want them to carry bags and cannot choose to be stay home dads etc.), we won't say you can't do anything, you should be free to do whatever you want, we don't need to stick to you 24-7. Life is too short to be so insecure. All this culminates in us being too self-sufficient, we look like we don't need men. So does that mean we evolved too much or men didn't evolve? So far the marriages and relationships I see breaking up is due to men wanting to be needed, but they're in relationships with independant, sorted women who give them all the freedom they want - freedom to go out with the boys and not ask where they are every hour, freedom to pursue their dreams without interfering (even if it was at the expense of their relationship). Whereas some Chinese women do manipulation, unreasonably insisting their way e.g. bfs or husbands don't play golf and stay home with them, have to go shopping at boutiques etc.; and yet, manage to keep their men.

So what to be? What to be?

...

Song that's on repeat mode as I work.

下一次爱情来的时候
作词：姚谦
作曲：蔡健雅


下一次爱情来的时候
我应该可以冷静对待

微笑点头不急着安排
宁可心头多留些空白

Oh 爱 本是尘埃
Oh 爱 落在心海
Oh 爱 不知不觉
渲染开来 更改未来

你我原来 都不应该
太认真太慷慨
可是却爱
爱得没有空隙想明白
手放不开 心还存在
一点点的疑猜
太浓的爱如今却变成了伤～害～

下一次爱情来的时候
你应该学着慢慢去爱
有些承诺需要说出来
在是当的时候就走开
Oh 爱 本是尘埃
Oh 爱 落在谁的心海
Oh 爱 不知不觉
渲染开来 更改未来

你我原来 都不应该
太认真太慷慨
可是却爱
爱得没有空隙想明白
手放不开 心还存在
一点点的疑猜
太浓的爱如今却变成了伤～害～

过了好久
以为自己会逃不开
我会等待
下一次爱情再来

Iguanas & snakes shedding skin

Was caught by a old schoolmate to 'reminiscence' the old times on msn.
As usual it was a one-sided conversation, with her doing most of the talking. Despite my best efforts to engage her, after she was done unloading, she promptly discarded me like a used condom, not good to be used till the next time.

Ironically, she felt a mutual schoolmate of ours would never change. She had recently found out that schoolmate packed her bags and head to phuket to teach and just to bum/ live out her life/ discover herself without any 'safety net' that we Silliporeans love. My reply was, people do change, or want to change. Just have to take action thatsall.

Well you know what darlin', you didn't change either.

Traffic in the Sky

Thanks Yao for introducing Jack Johnson to me...like my current favourite sound by Iron & Wine.
My favourite song from his album On and On. "Wasting Time" is a darn catchy one too

A little folksy, like a sparrow boucing along the pavements, you can't help but be amazed how basic, light and natural some sounds are meant to be.

...

"Traffic In The Sky"

There's traffic in the sky
And it doesn't seem to be getting much better
There's kids playing games on the pavement
Drawing waves on the pavement
Shadows of the planes on the pavement
Its enough to make me cry
But that don't seem like it would make it feel better
Maybe its a dream and if I scream
It will burst at the seams
This whole place will fall to pieces
And then they'd say...

Well how could we have known?
I'll tell them it's not so hard to tell
If you keep on adding stones
Soon the water will be lost in the well

Puzzle pieces in the ground
But no one ever seems to be digging
Instead they're looking up towards the heavens
With their eyes on the heavens
There are shadows on the way to the heavens
It's enough to make me cry
But that don't seem like it would make it feel better
The answers could be found
We could learn from digging down
But no one ever seems to be digging
Instead they'll say...

Well how could we have known?
I'll tell them it's not so hard to tell
If you keep on adding stones
Soon the water will be lost in the well

Words of wisdom all around
But no one ever seems to listen
They're talking about their plans on paper
Building up from the pavement
There are shadows from the scrapers on the pavement
It's enough to make me sigh
But that don't seem like it would make it feel better
The words are still around
But the words are only sounds
And no one ever seems to listen
Instead they'll say

Well how could we have known?
I'll tell them it's not so hard to tell
If you keep on adding stones
Soon the water will be lost in the well

Caught in the Act

I have a confession to make. Secret, shameful obsession with online tabloids.
But the paparazzi really scraped the bottom of their barrel with this.

"Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore, lunching with her daughters at Asia de Cuba in L.A.'s Mondrian Hotel. They feasted on black bean-and-chickpea dumplings."

Unless I get to eat this, I don't really care. I just wanna see picchures, picchures, picchures!!!

做女人

做女人就有资格流泪
做女人就轻易体会他人感受，替他人着想
做女人就常有一班常拨电话粥的死党 - 男人，新发型，新衣服的意见 - 无所不谈
做女人就是内韧外柔

做女人最重要就是要学会爱自己

drama mama

Granted like all dysfunctional Mother-Daughter relationship you always (at least me) want to run away from yer mama, the more she tries to say no, the more you (I) do it. Recently, our relationship is at an all time high. One reason was the fact that I'm away from the roost and she can't really see what I do, another is that she's slowly come to terms that her little girl has grown up aka gotten a proper job and out of the house. And remember when we watch drama serials and sometimes the ah beng in the show will say "You can insult me but you cannot insult my mama!" Well...I had that moment today.

I told some people about an sms my mom sent my aunt. In that sms, my mom actually said that she's very happy just shopping all the time and that i'm paying for everything and that she's happy that i'm caring... I was literally saying what I saw on the sms. Then immediately one of them said...just by paying? *almost like money is the only things that makes my mom happy or chinese happy for that matter* but money is just a small part of a big picture in being filial and taking care of your parents YOU KNOW??!!! My mom is does not see me as an ATM machine though they joke about it all the time. But it's just so chinese to refer to money and make jokes about money. Besides I don't believe most parents see their children as return on investments anyway, who wants go through nine months of waiting and vomitting, cleaning up shit for first 5 years and next 20 years worry about other shit that your child might get into? No amount of ROI will make up for it. AND MY PARENTS were just telling me over dinner they want to support a distant cousin's son's university education in Guangzhou if he's able to get into a good university. So NO, having their daughter pay for their expenses in Shanghai does not make them go through the roof with happiness but it just shows them that their daughter is willing to part with a commodity (that is viewed as 'precious' by the whole wide world) for them. That gives them ultimately the comfort that in their old age, they can count on her to pay for someone to clean up their shit :P and thus, she can then be nice smelling, sit beside them and talk crap with them instead.

*heaves big breath* Rant over. Back to monstrous report that by hook or by crook has to be out by tomorrow.

crap, crap, crap

I have a MONSTROUS report to be completed by tomorrow and I have spent the morning on posting my blog.

I AM SO DEAD.

For my shark's fin eating friends...

Maybe this angle can make people guilty aware of shark 'industry' (don't have a better word). Losing a predator in an ecosystem can be extremely detrimental to the rest of the species, for example it causes an imbalance by the reproduction of other 'cute' fishes that may overfeed on beautiful corals which will make us *sigh* in dismay when we go diving. There are plenty other reasons against shark fishing like unsustainable fishing, low levels of reproduction and cruelty, that above reason is just one of them. People tell me who cares if sharks hurt? They're not as cute as dolphins, they don't think of feel right?

Though, this is a completely different story (Dogs Used As Shark Bait On French Island)...but it has some sort of relation (in my warped mind, it's the same thing because the desire to capture one animal brings harm to another) to the extent that people will go to live, albeit in a extremely cruel way. Amateur fishermen in this article may have felt this was their only livelihood, their only choice. Maybe we don't have to make this our choice. We can choose not to eat sharks fin and maybe save some cute cat or dog? (my persuasion angle hhahaha...)

I may not be convincing enough considering that I still eat many animals, I'm trying to cut down on the meat I eat. But with Bird Flu in China and chicken limited, beef will have to be a good substitute for now. Pork I try to cut down and fish + vege I try to eat more, to the extent i persuaded my friends to visit a vegetarian restaurant. It's just small little steps. Recently, have also bought a pair of leather boots, though it looks nice and shiny (bonus), for me, it was really to get through winter. It's not easy and I'm not asking everyone to live a monk's or austere lifestyle, but there are many 'luxuries' we are capable of having less of.

Been following this guy's journal since mid this year. He's a full-time underwater photographer that documents alot of his work particularly related to ocean wildlife. This one in particular relates to the over-fishing of sharks in Manta, documenting local fishermen that do properly use whole parts of the sharks. Unfortunately, many around the world, especially industrial fishermen do NOT.

Next you are all going to say is, so how is not eating shark's fin going to help? Conglomerates are still going ahead despite public opinion. You're wrong in this case. Disney Hong Kong has backed down from serving shark's fin in its menu from public pressure. There are also other links there which you can read more about regarding shark's fin and the senselessness of it all.

Of course, with all these links, it really means that you do have to click on them to learn more. But it's so much easier to continue eating sharks fin isn't it?

Now back to your regular nice Holly Golightly - Best of Wildlife Photos 2005

A post about nothing

So I just watched this episode on Seinfeld and one joke he said was so hilarious, and so true.
(And yes I did watch it alone, I'll watch it again with people ok! you know who you are)

Women are so bothered by the jobs that men do, men on the other hand couldn't care less about their jobs if they are attracted to them physically. "So you work in a slaughterhouse? you cuff animals up? That's cool. Now go shower off."

...

Anyway have decided to use Friendster as my main avenue for meeting people living in Shanghai. Have. To. Meet. More. People. It's such a transition city, people come and leave all the time. You never know who is going back to their own country or moving to another one. There are signs that this may happen around me.

You know who I'd like to meet? A sense of humour.