Melancholic early winter

There's gloom around not only outside the office but inside as well. My boss and her bf just broke up. So many long term relationships, marriages biting the dust around me. So strange when my boss and I were talking during lunch, whatever she was saying I could totally empathise. It was what I wanted two years ago and still want in a relationship. Somehow men always have it in their minds that women want diamonds, branded bags and big houses; just because we talk about someone else having it doesn't mean we want it. Wanting a man to be financially secure is just comforting to know if either of party loses their job, there's someone else; and also to sooth the male ego. Actually we only want your time and you to buy us really frivolous things (that we won't be seen buying ourselves). Frivolous things like colour pencils, hand puppets, pet guppies and maybe sometimes just time. Time to walk down the stretch of road at the French Concession, be at home when we come back from business trips, send us home sometimes when we haven't seen you for a long time. But we can't say we want you to do that, not because we play mind games, but we cannot force someone to do something they didn't think to do. It wouldn't have been from the heart, an act of genuine concern.

The problem about being independant, is well, being too independant. We have good jobs, earn our own money, we buy coats, pay for our own holidays. We can sort out most of our problems and girlfriends are always around to bitch to. Some of us treat men as equals (minus the ones that say they treat men as equals and then still want them to carry bags and cannot choose to be stay home dads etc.), we won't say you can't do anything, you should be free to do whatever you want, we don't need to stick to you 24-7. Life is too short to be so insecure. All this culminates in us being too self-sufficient, we look like we don't need men. So does that mean we evolved too much or men didn't evolve? So far the marriages and relationships I see breaking up is due to men wanting to be needed, but they're in relationships with independant, sorted women who give them all the freedom they want - freedom to go out with the boys and not ask where they are every hour, freedom to pursue their dreams without interfering (even if it was at the expense of their relationship). Whereas some Chinese women do manipulation, unreasonably insisting their way e.g. bfs or husbands don't play golf and stay home with them, have to go shopping at boutiques etc.; and yet, manage to keep their men.

So what to be? What to be?

...

Song that's on repeat mode as I work.

下一次爱情来的时候
作词：姚谦
作曲：蔡健雅


下一次爱情来的时候
我应该可以冷静对待

微笑点头不急着安排
宁可心头多留些空白

Oh 爱 本是尘埃
Oh 爱 落在心海
Oh 爱 不知不觉
渲染开来 更改未来

你我原来 都不应该
太认真太慷慨
可是却爱
爱得没有空隙想明白
手放不开 心还存在
一点点的疑猜
太浓的爱如今却变成了伤～害～

下一次爱情来的时候
你应该学着慢慢去爱
有些承诺需要说出来
在是当的时候就走开
Oh 爱 本是尘埃
Oh 爱 落在谁的心海
Oh 爱 不知不觉
渲染开来 更改未来

你我原来 都不应该
太认真太慷慨
可是却爱
爱得没有空隙想明白
手放不开 心还存在
一点点的疑猜
太浓的爱如今却变成了伤～害～

过了好久
以为自己会逃不开
我会等待
下一次爱情再来