Happy Mother's Day

今天是母亲节。

和往常一样，今天对我来说没太大的意义。凡正妈妈都常说生我就象拉肚子一样 “POP” 的一声便滑出来了。

今天我终于明白。

独自在厨房洗晚餐用的碗和锅，过后再清理水槽旁的水。从来没留意到，其实淡淡的油和洗洁剂的溶合会那么强烈地轰炸我的嗅觉。

今天让我联想到长期做家务受水侵入手指关节而疼痛母亲。
今天让我领悟到妈妈毫无怨言，无私的疼爱。

...

Yes yes...I know it was yesterday, but somehow just couldn't finish writing this.
Now we're apart I feel I can tahan her nagginess. But once she launches her queries about whether I've shit today or what time to sleep blah blah blah...Every sliver of doubt in leaving home slams back into the perspective groove. Don't get me wrong. I want to love my parents more not just a reticule one writhes unwillingly into only in times of need (e.g. 'saving' on rent, free food & laundry, out of sense of duty to them). Ironically, only by leaving them now will I love them the way they deserve - unconditionally. Like a kinky suburban housewife waiting for her husband to come back to give her a good spanking, a druggie delaying shooting in his next fix, a child eating all the vegetables on her plate in anticipation of dessert, a homeless man sitting next to a fast food drive through; like me running to the phone when it rings - knowing that at the end of the line is the familiar sound of love.