Love
Those that have known me for the longest time also know I have weird parents. Typical & weird, typically weird.
No names or events have been exaggerated or disguised.
My dad calls me for his almost daily dose of daughter-talk. All in the middle of a conversation about not eating bythe roadside stalls in India and taking lao sai pills for all my biz trips. He suddenly started laughing like a banshee, like mad! I couldn't stop him! Then I hear my mother screaming in the background trying to burst my eardrums about dad farting with aircon on. (FYI, dad has farts of nuclear catastrophic proportions and takes immense joy in releasing them and getting a reaction out of it).
Dad continues to laugh like a banshee and launches a counter attack. Complains to daughter about mom snoring at night keeping him awake.
Very in love hor to tahan all this.
...
This year I have found out that I have three friend's whose dads have passed away. Countless uncles & aunts who have terminal illness. Infinite, unarticulated silences passed between us, while I could only muster weak, awkward mumbles of 'sorry' in bid to break the silence. When I was younger my greatest fear was my grandmother and parents dying. I couldn't deal with it. Every thought clamps its torturous vices on my heart and physically I feel pain. If it were a taste, it would be the sour bile that fills your mouth just before you puke your meal out. In my mind, everyone my age should still have healthy parents and older relatives. Families are always happy and people know not to leave the caring of parents to the helpers. And I mean spending time with rather than physically cleaning since that places a huge strain on resources; though I do know of a guy who quit his job to take care of his father who was starting to lose his memory, but that's a story for another day. Even now, dealing with death, I feel like the little girl that poked her finger into a perfectly frosted cake and trying to cream smooth it over, hoping that nobody will notice. In my mind, it's all just in my mind.
posted by Chinogypsie @ 1:01 AM
1 Comments:
and i think perhaps until you have a family of your own (and for many not even then) - own spouse and not just that, own kid/s, you never ever lose that fear - it is always a comforting thought that however old and infirm they might be, they are there for you unconditionally like no one else ever can be - it is an astonishing bond between parents and kids - of course, there are many untahantable relationships too between some parents and some kids - i dun unerstan that at all. But my heart goes out even more to the parents who outlive their kids - theirs is a sorrow that nothing can match especially those that lose a kid at a young age.
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