Many forms of smiles

She was smiling because after so many years of being in love, they were finally going to share a common dream of serving the ministry and being the witness to each others lives. It wasn't unexpected, yet it still brought so much joy to her. I wish I could draw courage from their commitment, everything that I lacked, they embodied. And I envy, because I knew I can never give the way she does; not till someone gives me more.

...

She was smiling and everyone thought she was so naturally cheerful and witty. Yesterday after dinner when we girlfriends were taking stock of the year, going round asking each other what we liked about ourselves. To our surprise, she could think of nothing. Slowly unravelling her inner bondage, she revealed her jadedness towards life and the meaning she could not find. Death. If life was meaningless, death would mean nothing as well. As she wept at her inability amplify joy, we wept, or rather I wept for her inability to love herself, even after we told her how much she meant to us. The following night, we saw her in all smiles again, it was a blank, empty smile; apparent to those that knew her secret.