No Pain, No Gain definitely applies to slimming massages

MY GOD!
My tummy is hurting from all the squeezing and pinching torture they inflicted upon me for two hours!

The reason: To make sure all the fats under my skin is are broken down so that it can be 'burnt' by a specially formulated cream.

And burn it did.

Yesterday was the most uncomfortable and excruciating massage I have ever gone through; I'm not sure it can even be classified as a massage. Even a roti prata that gets slaps often was treated better than me. Food analogies were perfect in this situation because right after getting cream rubbed all over me, they proceeded to saran wrap me and stick me in an oven.

The oven has a very special name, it is called - The Spaceship. Futuristic, looks like magic show box that involves cutting you up; because your whole body is supposed to be heated up by infra-red rays except for your head. Your head is sticking out not being able to predict the outcome if you're going to get back your head at the end of the act. That was exactly how I felt. I did not know if I would get my legs back. Why? Because they just carried on feeling as if they were set on fire! By the end of twenty minutes (I don't know how I endured it but I begged them to remove the heat pads on the legs first), I was so sore, it hurt when I was pulling up my pants.

Only absolute pure madness and desperation would drive one to endure, *drum roll* THIRTY SESSIONS of agony (And they only guaranteed losing three kilograms). The anticipation to such a pain would be sufficient mental torment to cause dreams of talking and walking among the dead (seeing that it could be worse than death to burn but not be able to extinguish it). And I had thought discomforting diarrhea slimming tea was bad.

Their explanations for fat burning is not scientific. G, who studied biotechnology says that it probably only managed to break down the direct fats under my skin; but not penetrate it. Hence, no real effectiveness. Besides, immediately after the session I weighed myself and found only a paltry five hundred gram decrease; which could be attributed to water loss. We were also discussing that 'massaging' the belly with such force may cause some organs to bruise.

I would really just rather exercise than go through this again. At least with muscle aches, I can brag or whine. I would probably be too ashamed to complain about this pain.