(blank and empty)

Haven't been able to keep up with many people (minus those I religiously msn/gtalk) and it is eating me up. Catalysed by a non-invitation, non-informed trip (it's not the non-invitation that bothers me, but I thought she would have at least asked instead of it coming up in a casual conversation when I'm asking if she's free to go for C's birthday). For my friends in Shanghai I am a disppearing act from work and having boyfriend. Unconsciously it makes me feel I need to choose one or the other. Do some some automatically assume I spend all my living, breathing hours with him? Though it does not in any way mean friends are any less important. Maybe this phase is where I go to get drinks or pubs less, it's probably because I need energy for the rest of the week to deal with work shit. I care though, to listen to you but not in a pub where I have to vie for your attention and strain my ears to hear you.

Then it makes me feel guilty...guilty that maybe I haven't shown that I want to listen. Trust me, I do. No matter how late, or how in between lunches, or in between toilet breaks, or coffee cups, or between email lines.